Looking For Signs

March! The month of transformation I’m told. Winter into spring; hibernation into regrowth. You know, that sort of thing. I thought to myself, “I can totally write a blog about transformation.” I mean here I am, 45 years old, in the prime of my mid-life crisis. Surely, I can say something awe-inspiring about transformation.

I have reached the point that I feel I need to be acutely aware of what the universe is telling me. I’m told I am supposed to do that. Even Bréné Brown said that midlife is “when the Universe grabs your shoulders and tells you ‘I’m not f-ing around, use the gifts you were given.’” That’s important stuff for a mid-life gal – the Universe, Bréné Brown and the f-bomb…all very important to me! But maybe some of us have to listen a little more closely because I’m still at a point where I am thinking, I have no idea what my gifts or unique purpose are. It kind of sounds like I am supposed to know what those are by this point in my life. Why just the other day during a run on a flat light, new snow kind of day, out of nowhere a bright road sign broke through the fog. The contrast of colours hit me; maybe it means something more since I felt that emotion??

So who am I? Well, I am a runner. (That’s why I kind of like hanging out with the RLAG crew.) I have run all my life in one form or another. It wasn’t until after my second child that I decided I was getting back in shape after kids and pushing for some competitive gains. It was that point, at 35 years old, that I felt I would actually describe myself as a runner. Ah, transformation. Now at 45, I have entered into a full blown mid-life crisis by deciding I need to try Ultras. Honestly, I hated my first one last year. However, it went bad enough yet well enough that I feel I need to continue this behavior. Maybe I am transforming into an “ultra-runner”?

As noted above, I am also a mom and a wife. All good stuff, but honestly my patience is wearing thin with socks on the floor, dinner that doesn’t make itself and the importance of “TikTok’ers” and “YouTubers”. Yelling was becoming the norm as I wasn’t being heard any other way. I was turning into someone even I didn’t like all that much. So now, I am focusing on breathing more; playing with the idea of meditation. I am trying really hard to transform in the CALM. Trust me…still in the cocoon over here; the tightly wound cocoon!

I am a physiotherapist. I have always loved my career and love working in a small rural hospital where I get to see a little bit of everything. But waitlists and meetings and late days, not to mention a pandemic, can get a girl down. So re-enter the meditation, the breathing, the planning and re-planning. My profession is also saying, we have to change the way we are doing things particularly in regards to chronic conditions to provide improved treatment and guidance for patients. Year after year my learning plans continue to revolve around chronic pain, psychology, communication. Twenty years into this profession and I am still learning and know the transformation is ongoing.

Good grief. All this transformation! I am going to be a new woman soon! Or…maybe not. Maybe we are always moving and changing; ebbing and flowing. Maybe we need to be patient with ourselves and embrace our ever-evolving selves. There’s nothing wrong with us right now. And despite that, we are going to transform into another form of ourselves that is trying just as hard to get it all right. So yes, I am going to keep trying to listen for the Universe and look for the signs but sometimes – the signs are in fact just road signs. Turn whichever way you want.

Written by RLAG Ambassador: Shari Leedahl

Comments

  1. What an inspiring storey to wake up too. Thanks Shari for sharing your story.

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